We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
