Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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