This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
