So gin and wine won't be happening again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
