Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
