I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she woke up with a sticky ear
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
