Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
