eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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