is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
