I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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