He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Still dying that you shit outside
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
