It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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