but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
