I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hippo gnu deer
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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