hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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