I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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