if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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