I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
