The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
