Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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