He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
