my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
