Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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