we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
