I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I puked a lego.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
