Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
