I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
