Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
