does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
