I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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