im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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