Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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