sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm at about main and main street
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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