she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
