So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
