I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
