Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You are a genius and a whore.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
