Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
