if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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