omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
