One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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