if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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