Can i not drive my cunt home
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
