Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.