"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.