Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.