you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC