I chose taco bell over sex...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵