Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
