My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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