God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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