I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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