he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
