Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
