Will you blow on my dice?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
