He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
