Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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