He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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