i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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